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Be misunderstood
The hunger to be seen and liked is a weight that clouds our thinking and disrupts us from fulfilling our purpose in discrete tasks or over a lifetime. In The Courage to Be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga lean on Adlerian psychology and suggest that serenity and clarity come from a feeling that you […]
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Apologize authentically
When you make a true apology, you declare to yourself and to others that you recognize and are taking responsibility for your impact, regardless of your intent. This communication de-centers your own frame of a situation, wires your mind towards change, and invites others to share new information from a different vantage point. Transformative accountability […]
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Map your identity
Notice how your identity affects your beliefs. Start by filling out an identity wheel or culture sketch. Next, write down the beliefs that you feel those groups hold. Do you feel a responsibility to agree with those beliefs? During the next week, reflect on whether your comments or decisions are linked to or predicted by […]
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Stop trying to be efficient
The bias towards efficiency might be crushing creativity. A common response to the warning “efficient doesn’t mean effective” is “why can’t we have both?” It’s possible we can’t. Our brains may not be able to use the principle of efficiency as a framework because short-term inefficiencies are so valuable for achieving long-term potential. In The […]
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Argue peacefully
Debates bring the opportunity for you to better grasp your own mental models or rationalizations or to learn new mental models or ideas. In order to hold a real dialogue, be diligent and curious about how to maintain harmony through the conversation. Discover why you or other person might disengage due to trauma or fear. […]
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Practice circling and authentic relating
Authentic relating is a movement that invites people to connect with others in honest and meaningful ways. Activities encourage people to pay close attention to what is occurring for one person, for a group, or for themselves and then to verbalize what they are thinking or observing. Participants build an awareness of the stories that […]
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Wonder if the research is right
Critique scientific research. Is it reliable: has it been reproduced? Is it valid or generalizable: are its research subjects similar to the entire population? Examine the conditions of its findings, appreciating it as a limited discovery at one point in time. A uncomfortable amount of social research has not been replicated, or shown to produce […]
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Expand your networks with “smog” therapy
A 2013 American Values Survey (AVS) by the Public Religion Research Institute (PRRI) revealed that in America, we have shockingly homogeneous networks: most of our friends are of the same race as us. This is greater for White people: on average, a White person’s network is 91% White, while 83% of a Black person’s network […]
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Allow healing
We try to imagine how we would respond in a given circumstance and expect the same from others—a bias known as mirror imaging—but their path may not have mirrored ours. All of us, over our lives, have developed skills and reflexes that gifted us resilience and power. In many cases, trauma or adverse experiences were […]
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Affirm that you need to grow
If you claim that you have reached a peak of morality or wisdom, you are fixing yourself at a point in time rather than allowing yourself to grow and learn. You can counteract the trap of a “fixed mindset” with a “growth mindset.” But in order to accept that people (and yourself) can grow and […]